Need to kill time?

First, have a single parent who raised you be adopted. With a bad memory/penchant for making things up. To whom you don't talk anymore.

Next, be almost obsessive about the past.

Noooooooow.

Try to look people up online. Y'know, your mom's adopted mom, her husband...who are dead--bonus.

Have no knowledge of origins. Middle names....great grandfathers who gave their son their same first name are totally awesome.

Oh did I mention that your 14-day free subscription to ancestry.com expired about 8 months ago? So you can't use that. You're stuck with Mormon geneaology websites.

ooh ooh oooooooh have it be an international adoption. From war-torn Germany, perhaps with still shitty records four years later. And when you did have that ancestry.com trial subscription and saw the place your mom, her twin brother, and a-grandmother port left from in Germany? Totally forget the name of that port and don't put it down anywhere.