No Really So

I was walking out of the library sometime last week or the week before on the way to get food, pass the belltower, when he approached.

These guys with the clipboards. I almost called them paperclips. Well I did, but then realized that that wasn't the proper referent for the .... for the thing. Anyway. I can't stand these people. I don't want to buy their shit. I don't want to "help them out with their scholarship"

because there IS NO SCHOLARSHIP. You're just a newspaper/magazine subscription salesmen. and hardly even that, as you have to pretend to be just some lil'ole gumshoe tryin to pull hisself up by his bootstraps and gosh golly it's just a little subscription you can have sent to bald kids who can then make you a card....

"Scuse me, Ma'am?"

*looking straight ahead, no emotion in voice* "No."

*can almost hear his head swivel back on his neck* "Daaaayum! Does the sun shine for you, lady?"

...

Walking back again the other way towards Greek class another one.

"Scuse me are you a student?"

"No." *still not looking at person*

"You're not a student?"

"Nope."

"you're not a student, and you got a backpack, and books wi'choo?"

*surprised that he caught on that much* "Nope, not a student."

If the sun weren't so bright in my eyes I would have turned to him and mentioned what tends to happen when you ask stupid questions. But then I also remembered that this was still Rivercide, and he's probably gonna call the store to try to get free Sprite later anyway.

Yesterday I had to go on campus to return some library books (for a change) and buy pepper spray for a girl coworker

Stupidest thing to do, really. Like she's gonna have it in her pockets at all times when she's walking around outside? Or is she gonna not do that because she's wearing tight clothes (nothing against that, if I had her figure I probably would too...well maybe not the tight jeans, that's just never comfortable) and instead keep it in her purse wherein of course any rapist/mugger/drunken assshat Rivercide native will certainly wait for her to panic and fumble around amongst her keys and makeup for her pepper spray.

And I read the label on the back before I gave it to her. Uno, it might not even be legal for her to carry it if she's not over 21--I'd be suprsied if she were 19-- and if she even uses it she might be screwed 'cause there's probably some stupid ass law that says they can't be used. Not to mention it's questionable effectiveness and ... what, is she gonna practice with it?

Still, it's better than nothing, and could potentially instill in her a sense of responsibility.

...? Responsibility for ... Idunno. Anyway, not what I came here for.

So I'm on campus to buy that, and have to pass by the belltower and there's some assface who dun gone and sealed himself off on a spot of grass with a sign about DON'T GO TO HELL FORNICATORS ADULTERERS LIARS DEMOCRATS (it wouldn't surprise me) THEIEVES FAGGOTS LIBERTARIANS (which I would expect, actually) and yelling.

Yelling!

...

Yelling!

...!!!

It was funneh. He's got his back straight, in a suit and tie, coke-snorting glasses, leaning into the crowd on the other side of the sidewalk yelling

"EEEEEYouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....are so naughty

DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF HE SAID NAUGHTY

"so naughty in your wickedness and lustfullness you're FULL OF LUST"

I think he was actually addressing some girls who were dressed quite uh..."fashionably," particularly for it being UCR where I guess if you're not some whitewashed Azn bro-ho then you're some hairy shrew (I think personally I'm aiming for the hairy whitewashed look, but that's another...uh...TMI I think)...but yeah.

This was not the idiot last quarter with the American flag with the list of people on Jorge Bush's shit list....who was involved in this little replication of the 16th century debate between Martin Luther and Erasmus:

Assface of last quarter: BLAH BLAH BLAAAAAH JOHN WESLEY SAID

Stupid fat girl, screaming just as loud: JOHN WESLEY WHO IS DAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

Like...as if Stupidity and Arrogance had a kid, and that kid punched me on the side of my head. I didn't know who to laugh at, nor when to cry at myself.

I coulda gone to Santa Cruz.

So no, this was not the same guy. He was just leaning and trying to ... not yell I guess, but to kind of coo at us.

"ooooooooooh you're such a sinner aren't you. oooooh the fires of hell are thoooo hawt." Or something like that.

And today.

Gosh today. Let me unzip my backpack (pervert!) and get out Exhibit A:

Exhibit a is a flyer I found taped to some phone, company standing up things. I have no idea what they are, but they are next to the sidewalk. People put gum, ads for rooms available, stupid emo-skater stickers, blah blah, and this flyer. Pink 8 1/2 x 11 inch. It's a pretty color.

GASSTRIKE

@ The Mobil on the corner of Dumbass Street [hey, I know where that is] and the 91 FWY. This Sun. 3/18 12:30PM. Come join...

WE NEED YOUR SUPPORI [with the T cut off, so I'm guessing it's a copy]

and then it just gets stupid. Beyond what is already up there since

Eins: The Mobil on the corner of Dumbass and the 91 is about 12 miles away from campus. The campus itself is basically taking up the first 2 lanes of the freeway that leads the hell out of Riverside. No UCR student is gonna have to try to avoid that one.

Zwei: The flyer itself is so placed as unless they cause a crash, no driver will see it. Just some hippie ass who already is biking anyway, or me who's just annoyed.

Drei: "Come join..." us in ignoring something. So I guess the linguistics major didn't make it to the flyer-writing meeting.

Vier: I have a feeling that there's something spelt wrong, though there's nothing that I can see.

...

and then it just gets stupid.

Alphabetical gas strike (start's St. Patricks Day)
1st week--avoid any station that begins with the letter A thru M
2nd week--M-Z!

Spread the word!!!

Is it starting Saturday the 17th, or Sunday the 18th?

Why....why why why. Why alphabetical, you dumb fuck? Are there only 26 gas stations in the area, all started up and founded on the ideal that the next letter of the alphabet was their turn? And what of the people who don't know their alphabet, and can't tell whether M counts as the first week or the second? (Don't be so naive as to think that won't happen.) What if a gas station under this proletarian embargo lowers its prices? Not that it would happen, but still.

yeah so.. .universal literacy. My anti-hope.

By the time I got back onto campus there was an anti-war get up near the belltower, complete with a little wall dedicated to "Down With WalMart" complete with pictures of smiling Jorge Bush...and mariachi music. I kid you not. I don't...I don't care the mariachi music when it's ... in context. At a small restaurant where it's blared from the radio inside the kitchen, for such. Or some other place. But then, I don't like music anyway.

I just...want to walk to class in peace. Why do we need all these circuses...and don't even get me started on how dry the bread is tastin.

Uh. I am so tired. But it's warm out and I don't wanna walk my bike home (uphill...gosh I'm so lazy) until it's darker and cooler, but then my friend wants to go out to eat or Sabbath whatever after he gets off work...le sigh.

Everybody's....pissing me off. It's a nice day today.

So I wake up this morning prepared to turn in 4 pages of an assigned 8-12 page essay with the usual "ah fuckit I didn't care about this class blah blah it's never my fault that I'm such a shitty student..." and sail on downhill to campus, get coffee and sit down in the class, wondering where the stack of 8-12 page, super de duper perfect essays is.

And no. Professor writes down on the board the due date for the papers. Next Friday.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Okay. Keine Probleme. I can actually add some meat to this little Melian masterpiece, maybe get better than a C for the class.

Meanwhile I didn't bother to do the assignment for the other class. Gah. I'm so lazy. I'm so... I just don't...uuuuuuuuuuuuuh I hate working.

I don't like this

How is it that I was able to sign into blogger just by clicking onthe blogger link? Just simply ... I'm already in. Maybe 'cause gmail's already up? Oh well.

I go now, to turn in a shitty essay. I swear to fuck this is the last time I fuck off the whole quarter. 8 1/2 weeks of just screwing around isn't even all that fun when you don't even have a social life to begin with. Boo hoo.

Or Maybe I Should Just

Maybe it's a test. Patience. Umm. Fortitude. Or faith? There are tests of faith, aren't there? Yeah, sure there are.

I think if anything it's just a regular "don't be a petty slut for a change" type of ...not so much a test as an opportunity. To...ding ding ding...not be a petty slut for a change.

He's not overly attractive in the face, just looks like...like himself. I mean...meh? I just don't really notice him as "dayum fine."

Liar.

I look at his body...usually like, his calves, and general shape, and when...I don't know why every single guy at the store has to do this but grabs the bars over the oven and does pull-ups, it's...I have to look away. I just...information I do not need.

But despite checking him out it doesn't really occur to me that he's oh em gee so hot. He's just...just looks the way he looks.

It's annoying as fuck, is what it is. I do the Right Thing. I tell Lieb about it, how oh so depressing it is that he's on Continent B while I'm on Continent A and there's some other guy "doing Lieb things" like picking me up from work, making me eat food, tellin me about God, but he's not Lieb and if he were Lieb it would be fine and I'd be able to express my gratitude for him doing these things the way I'm used to, the way I want to, but no it's not Lieb it's some .... does it matter who he is? No, it's just Nicht-Lieb.

So I tell Lieb, and I get. A call on the bus stop. An awkward phone call on the bus after using up my phone battery to IM him about it so instead of actually experiencing the emotional...release or whatever of telling him using my voice, I'm rehashing what I just told him as quickly as I could because of the delay in the IM thingie part of the phone.

And European men are assholes, to trust him on it. He's probably just hitting on you because he doesn't see me around (and really, what would that matter anyway? Would just put the responsibility for everything back on me...and really what woman wants to be responsible for her life?).

It's not that I don't believe him, or think that I'm young enough to be naive and think he's just wrong. Just...*sigh*

But then, what did I expect? "Oh Fritz you should totally hook up with him, you'll be 23 forever! I'll always put up with your bullshit!" No. I just...wanted it to go away.

So after a couple days of acting stupid around Nickt, I IMed him what's been bugging me. I don't think he can understand me when I talk to him face to face, unless it's in answer to a question or whatever that he asked or was just talking about. It'd be like, looking up Sehnsucht cold in the dictionary. Or facere.

But online, his syntax is so .... not-conformative to English SVO, that half the time I only get the gist of half of what he's saying. So...whatever. Anyway, as best as I can gather he was truthful that yes he would be interested but knows about Lieb so isn't going to do anything .... he said something about his character and then moved English words around like so many pieces of furniture tossed around in search of missing housekeys that I had no ... no second intentions, he knows I have a boyfriend and ... and blah blah blah. I believe him. I don't have to, but I do.

And now? Now it's like before. I don't really talk much to him so much as he tries to talk to me in English--I was a shitty conversation partner to that Korean girl when I was trying to get college credit for it two years ago, too--which I guess is okay...forces him to go back in his memory for words and phrases he's picked up and use them.

I'm comfortable around him. Not sure in what regard, but...idunno.

With Lieb. It's kinda the same, but better. I told him about this, so I'm not keeping anything from him. It's not like I'm asking guys out and then not telling him about it until about a week after I get stood up. And then not mentioning it or the implications of it ever again.

Oooooh buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn. Of who...I don't wanna answer that.

Double you tee eff.

All your blogger are belong to the...shit I don't remember how that line goes. Damn, I wish I remembered it, references to video games I've never played are the only way I can make my point anymore.

I just now saw the comments posted in re the last post at the blog that's still linked around places, attention to which was brought ... idunno, couple weeks, a month, ago. I went back there 'cause I thought I had a link to a Latin dictionary up there. Which I don't...what do I have a German one for in that case, anyway?

My little footies are more important than keeping up a blog I hadn't touched in about five months or so, actually. Aggravating stress fractures (I know, that is a real violin playing in the background, the digs are pitiful, but the digs are classy) does not sound like a beneficial trade off for....comments.

Oh

And Keith Olberman. Fuck that, too. Oh ooooh, every Libertarian on Myspace has Olbermann's Youtubed 10 minute commentaries playing on their profile.

Okay, the renewal of the Patriot Act...I could understand the bitching. Because really...we totally need the freedom to bitch about the government that won't stomp the faces that need to get stomped. I get it. Nationalism pretty much failed in America unless you're...unless....thinking....thinking..............

well the ones who are nationalist, sure as hell aren't in the way that the pre-colonial Europe was. Or they are. I haven't read much Amerikan history lately.

So yeah, his Patriot Act whine was pretty neat. But geez, I've seen high school girls whose daddy's don' love 'em (or do, whatever) with more manly composure than this.


I bet once the camera breaks away to commerical, his eyes sparkle and he thinks he really reaaaaallly got his point across to them.

And he probably did. I'd develop this, or try some coherence, but all that crap in the stores ain't gonna buy itself.

daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn. I'm hungry.

I am also in need of rolling my eyes at my youngest sister. But in an "no, it's okay" kind of way. If the worst thing in your life is that oh em gee your mom talks to friends of yours at school while she sees them at the gym...what the hell.

I so don't want any freakin' kids of my own. Fuck that.

aljdflasjdfl;asd..."fuck that." It's literary genius day at Matildah's.

Oh. Oh. Just Oh.

"...I fear we shall find that popular elections are not oftener determined, upon pure Principles of Merit, Virtue, and public Spirit, than the Nominations of a Court, if we don't take Care. I fear there is an infinity of Corruption in our Elections already crept in. All kinds of Favour, Intrigue, and Partiality in Elections are as real, Corruption in my Mind, as Treats and Bribes. A popular government is the worse curse, to which human Nature can be devoted when it is thoroughly corrupted. Despostism is better...we are sowing the Seeds of Ignorance, Corruption, and Injustice, in the fairest Field of Liberty, that ever appeared upon Earth, even in the first Attempts to cultivate it."

-John Adams to Joseph Hawley, 8/25/1776.

Time of the badasses. Found in one of my Revolutionary America class books, the readings for which I haven't been to in weeks.

And now, I am off to the girl-instructor's remaining lecture about how the revolution changed but didn't really change the role and limitation of women.

Talking about men is hard! Cause they're like, looking at our chest and stuff.

I Am Exhausted and Don't Like You

My sister-in-law relative (as opposed to any of the "fucking shit these people exist!?" relatives) called me last night. What do I want for my buh-buh-burfday coming up, what Chis'mus gifs do I want-I guess I might as well...and gawd Amazon needs to change the pictures of stupid broads on its main page. I am so sick of "my family didn't move the border moved geopolitics lol!" I want to see like...explosions. Or pictures from badass earthquakes in black and white.

What was it...oh yeah. I don't...I realized this morning after maybe-high-C-ing a midterm why my in-law and brother's family's holiday celebration always bug the hell out of me. No, not Christmas or Thanksgiving, but Holiday. Not only that all I do is just sit there, watching everyone tell each other stories of how their dog barks and has fat legs or O God the election (my tinfoil hats are pretty obvious to them), this time around I can have the excuse of "I have to read, it's for school" and not insult anyone, but the way that they all go about buying each other gifts.

Lists. They make lists together, and then go buy it. They know exactly what to get everyone, and everyone else knows exactly what to get them. It's so boring to listen to them talk about buying crap. No wondering "gah, I hope they think this is junk so I can have it" or "man so and so will shit their face when they see this." Oh well. Perhaps they do shit their face, just in a way that I don't recognize.

In other news.

Being in school is actually... Actually going. I'm not getting sleep, drinking way too much starbucky cans, and only occassionally talk to Riley on the phone until he's rambling about something and I'm wondering with my eyes closed whether I had just said outloud what's in my head or not. But stuff is getting done.

Essays are getting turned in. Midterms are done the night before they're due (story of this post's title) with only small corrections made. In-class midterms are not...eh. They're not As, but since it's Geology there's at least the modicum of being able to think through the questions to answer. I guess like having something to translate and while you don't know the exact vocabulary, you can figure from the shape of the bound morphemes what's going on. Plus the TA being ridiculously smart and patient and dayum fah-hine doesn't hurt.

Not all is super. I have two 12-15 page papers due by the end of the quarter. One I'm freaking over because I don't have a theme or thesis yet, just simply been reading on the Anabaptist kingdom in Munster (they are dumb muthafuckers).

The other is ethnic studies and I'm pissed 'cause I know that I can't go to my professor to ask him for ideas because he doesn't have any. So far I think I want to just go for a boring point-by-as-many-points-as-I-need-to-fill-up-space analysis of the debates between Booker T. Washington and WEB duBois (also a dumb muthafucker at times) and how they reflected the ideas in one of the few readable articles in the course. If there is a way I can try to argue Uncle-Tom-ism in both people I'd rather do that; but I'm not sure if that would count as "doable."

In conclusion, these stupid azzzzzzns in the computer desk right next to me in this library won't shut up. So I'm leaving.

Not as funneh

But still rad.

"We know what we believe, but it's difficult to live that out. That's not just Ted's struggle. It's our struggle."

I wasn't all too thrilled with what I knew about this guy, but couldn't help but laugh when I watched the Dawkins film linked onto youtube, with Haggard basically asking Dawkins to calm down. His goofy-ass grin made "but please, don't be arrogant" all the more funneh.

Oh oh oh, but schools need more moneys!

If not then some lazy slut would have to actually type in numbers. Oh the horror.

"It's so archaic to transfer something from a sheet of paper to a computer day by day," Hope schools Superintendent Gerrie Fausett told the Santa Barbara News-Press.

I bet that for every Tina Dabby there are twenty households that think that they need this. While the fifth-grader who doesn't know where her mom was last night lost all interest in reading and can't multiply.

More Conversations Of This Order

Riley: So wait...your dad is Jewish, and he was born in-
Matildah: Israel, like...
Riley: But his parents aren't Israeli, 'cause there wasn't any-
Matildah: No, his...umm, one was from Hungary and one from Romania so. So there.
Riley: You're a quarter Romanian then!
Matildah: Yeah, I guess so...maybe more 'cause I don't know about my mom.
Riley: What is she?
Matildah: She was born in Germany I think, but said France, and said England, but was adopted by a Cuban lady and her American army something husband, I don't know anything about-
Riley: So you're...you're a first generation American, then, Matildah.
Matildah: a;lksjdf;laksjdl...yeah I am.
Riley: You know what that means, Matildah?
Matildah: What does that means?
Riley: YOU TOOK OUR JOOOOOOOOBS.
Matildah: a;lsdfjliawkejfl;asjdfkajshdflkjasdl
Riley: Jaaaaahbs.
Matildah: I took a lot of your jobs, Riley.
Riley: *sigh* Yeah. They have to take a lot of jobs to take all the jobs that I won't do.

Seems I did a self-portrait over the summer, and forgot about it. 

De re something or other

Ha ha ha I'm lurning lol.

There was only one at the "University Village" shopping center down the street from campus when I first moved here four years ago, and when the second one on the same block was built, I wondered about it.
I can't stand the drinks they make in-store and their shitty loud ass "oooooooh oh oohhhhh independent" music they blare, though.

I Like Headphones

Headbangin to Bach=being on campus bearable.

Dear Voices In My Head

Maybe I should point out that my research paper has to be on the Reformation period. I can run through economic stuff, but I'm pretty sure it'll have to be between 1450-1650.

I know that Latin down a couple days is shit grammar. Die, already. And buy me a dictionary before you go.

Be Thee A Research Topic?

"The elector August I of Saxony found his own solution for the problem of landless peasants: he bought up property and divided it into allotments."

Double you tee to the eff?

From The Rise of the European Economy: An economic history of Continental Europe from the fifteenth to the eighteenth century.

The author is too cool to have footnotes or endnotes, though, just a bibliography. Oh em gee I know I'll wikipedia the guy up and see what little it says there.

Augustus II, King of Poland and Elector of Saxony (Augustus II the Strong) (12 May 1670 – 1 February 1733)

Dammit.

Dear Everyone, Though Probably Not You

I do not want to "dress up" for the Martin Luther debate. That is incredibly stupid, this is not high school, nor is this the only effing class I have. Nor is it a drama class. It is pretty bad when I'm the one who doesn't want to "get into" this role playing crap and just read the lines.

I will read Luther/Erasmus/Liepzig/Marburg debates.

I will take good notes, and create a semblance of dialogue.

I will know mah shet when one of the shutupshutupshutupannoyingfatdudeswhocouldn't makeitasanythingotherthanahistorymajor asks a stupid question. Even better because I will be playing Luther, I can just say he's blind and is going to hell.

The idea of having to use powerpoint is absurd enough to me. But "smoke machines?" Die.

The Worst Part

is when your tears run down the side of your face and into your ear.
not when you're lying there, staring up at the ceiling like you've ended up doing every night since he's been gone
not accusing yourself of really being an atheist or just a really bad liar because why don't you do such and such for ex or why or thee or hating him for leaving those words on that message when believing it is even worse than just....

why say that? because you mean it? So. So do I. Cute. Great. I'm supposed to believe it, to tell you what you already know, what I'd been telling you at the end of every phone converstation not expecting agreement but still noticing each time there isn't any and then when he's adamavit aliquem ut adamandus, ut cupiendus. Then I shouldn't have believed it. amehercule credo id. cupio credere id? non. ita. cupio...non audire eo. and then right now. I mean right now, as soon as I finished non audire eo he signs on and we talk. nothing big. nothing much because he's got a meeting in an hour and i have a midterm in 5-

which reminds me. fuckity fuck.

Found it

"...even though some are now probably calling me a heretic--this truth is very detrimental to their treasury--I do not pay much attention to their bawling, for their reactions are those of clouded minds that never got a sniff of Scripture, never read the Christian teachers, never understood their own teachers, but are almost decayed in their riddled and mangled opinions. If they had understood these, they would know they ought to defame no man unheard and unchallenged. But may God give them and us right understanding. Amen."

Martin Luther, A Sermon On Indulgence and Grace, 1518

and this also, from the introduction to the book that that is from:

"...a bull was drawn up threatening Luther with excommunication. The bull was prnted in complete form in June 1520, sent to Germany, and distributed in the fall. On 10 December Luther burned the bull at the Elster Gate in Wittenberg. This happened after papal representatives in many places had already commited Luther's writings to the faggots with due ceremony. The significance we attach to Luther's act today is far different from what his contemporaries thought. To them the really provocative act on 10 December 1520 was Luther's burning of the books of canon law, together with the writings of the Scholastic theologians and his Roman opponents."

Tis rad. Tis rad.