Maybe it's a test. Patience. Umm. Fortitude. Or faith? There are tests of faith, aren't there? Yeah, sure there are.
I think if anything it's just a regular "don't be a petty slut for a change" type of ...not so much a test as an opportunity. To...ding ding ding...not be a petty slut for a change.
He's not overly attractive in the face, just looks like...like himself. I mean...meh? I just don't really notice him as "dayum fine."
Liar.
I look at his body...usually like, his calves, and general shape, and when...I don't know why every single guy at the store has to do this but grabs the bars over the oven and does pull-ups, it's...I have to look away. I just...information I do not need.
But despite checking him out it doesn't really occur to me that he's oh em gee so hot. He's just...just looks the way he looks.
It's annoying as fuck, is what it is. I do the Right Thing. I tell Lieb about it, how oh so depressing it is that he's on Continent B while I'm on Continent A and there's some other guy "doing Lieb things" like picking me up from work, making me eat food, tellin me about God, but he's not Lieb and if he were Lieb it would be fine and I'd be able to express my gratitude for him doing these things the way I'm used to, the way I want to, but no it's not Lieb it's some .... does it matter who he is? No, it's just Nicht-Lieb.
So I tell Lieb, and I get. A call on the bus stop. An awkward phone call on the bus after using up my phone battery to IM him about it so instead of actually experiencing the emotional...release or whatever of telling him using my voice, I'm rehashing what I just told him as quickly as I could because of the delay in the IM thingie part of the phone.
And European men are assholes, to trust him on it. He's probably just hitting on you because he doesn't see me around (and really, what would that matter anyway? Would just put the responsibility for everything back on me...and really what woman wants to be responsible for her life?).
It's not that I don't believe him, or think that I'm young enough to be naive and think he's just wrong. Just...*sigh*
But then, what did I expect? "Oh Fritz you should totally hook up with him, you'll be 23 forever! I'll always put up with your bullshit!" No. I just...wanted it to go away.
So after a couple days of acting stupid around Nickt, I IMed him what's been bugging me. I don't think he can understand me when I talk to him face to face, unless it's in answer to a question or whatever that he asked or was just talking about. It'd be like, looking up Sehnsucht cold in the dictionary. Or facere.
But online, his syntax is so .... not-conformative to English SVO, that half the time I only get the gist of half of what he's saying. So...whatever. Anyway, as best as I can gather he was truthful that yes he would be interested but knows about Lieb so isn't going to do anything .... he said something about his character and then moved English words around like so many pieces of furniture tossed around in search of missing housekeys that I had no ... no second intentions, he knows I have a boyfriend and ... and blah blah blah. I believe him. I don't have to, but I do.
And now? Now it's like before. I don't really talk much to him so much as he tries to talk to me in English--I was a shitty conversation partner to that Korean girl when I was trying to get college credit for it two years ago, too--which I guess is okay...forces him to go back in his memory for words and phrases he's picked up and use them.
I'm comfortable around him. Not sure in what regard, but...idunno.
With Lieb. It's kinda the same, but better. I told him about this, so I'm not keeping anything from him. It's not like I'm asking guys out and then not telling him about it until about a week after I get stood up. And then not mentioning it or the implications of it ever again.
Oooooh buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn. Of who...I don't wanna answer that.
